I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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