Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
