he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
