4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
