Whod you bang
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
