Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
