Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
