Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
