wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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