Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
