i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
