You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
