I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
