well I can't set my house on fire every night
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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