I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
