mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
