hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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