Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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