why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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