my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
