Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
