I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
