oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
