Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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