Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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