Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
