SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
People in love make me want to vomit
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
