im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We left an ass print on the piano.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
