I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
