I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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