The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
