It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
