hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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