I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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