false alarm. still invincible.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
