Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
