I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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