I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
