apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
