I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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