oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
