We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
