Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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