good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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