have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
