they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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