He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
