Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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