I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
