I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
