ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
