cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
