it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
